Pick Your Poison


What people have “said” about me:

“Obsessed with the apocalypse...fantastic for office morale and stock-piling staplers.”
— Someone's aunt
“Good ideas. GREAT self-deprecation.”
— FedEx delivery guy
“Cool pants. Less cool hats.”
— Roland Stoned
“Impressive AND impressionable.”
— Bodega owner
“Hilarious!*
*After 2 AM on the third Wednesday of every month for 22 minutes.”
— Former colleague
“Hair like a rat’s nest.”
— 2nd grade teacher
“One of the quietest snackers I’ve ‘never’ heard.”
— Anna Wintour
“Forgets to drink water LIKE A PRO. ”
— WSJ
“Not as skilled in accents as she thinks she is.”
— My mother

Me IRL

For more than my insta-PIXXX, let’s chat. I’m great on the phone (just ask the telemarketers that call me on the reg/the managers at Comcast!!!)